I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
