here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
