I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He shit in the fireplace
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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