We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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