Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
