The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
