Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
we're so committed to being not committed
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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