yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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