I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
