one might say we're banned from that church
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Randomize
