Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
