i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
