I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
