well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
