i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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