my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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