just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
