I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
