i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
