What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
