My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
