yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
