i love accidental penises.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
