There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
