I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
