I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
