well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
