I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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