We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
