you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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