So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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