the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
