Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
