i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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