I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
