But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
