There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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