Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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