woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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