Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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