I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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