You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
