AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
