while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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