watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
