just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
