i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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