Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Randomize
