He disabled his match.com account in front of me
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
The power of my boobs compel you
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
