I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
