He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
