I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
