oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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